blind

i found this amazing website of polaroids from all over the world called polanoid.net. it reminds me of a time when i was about four or so. and my dad's friend was sleeping on the couch. my parents were still together. i remember it like yesterday or maybe even a couple days before that sometimes, when i'm not so awake. he worked the graveyard shift.



i found a polaroid on the coffee table. it was some time in the '70s. if i told you my exact age, maybe you wouldn't be interested in this story any more. so we'll just say "sometime" in the '70s so i can remain a mystery. isn't that the way it works? is that why people never like to tell each other their real age?



i wanted him to see the picture. i woke him up. he was wearing a white t-shirt. i pushed the picture up into his face and i said, "look!" that's when i learned the concept of focus. i put it too close to his face.



he said, "i can't see what it is. you are holding it too close to my face!" he was mad. i was hurt because how was i to know that it is so hard for people to see things when they are right in front of their face?



i have lived that way ever since. trying too hard to see everything right in front of me. sometimes i over-compensate and see things that aren't really there. and sometimes i try too hard to make other people see me, too.