WE'RE HORRIBLE, DESPERATE, GHOULISH CREATURES

HAPPY HALLOWEEN to all of my fellow creeps! Here are some of the eeriest moments from our blackest of Sundays. Hope you all had a gorgeously grotesque evening.

HAPPY HAUNTING

Be safe tonight, foolish mortals. Creeps and ghouls are gearing up for revelry tomorrow. Do not disturb them.

Cold kisses,

The Grave Lady

GIRLY GORE

A wayward Vivian Girl goes shockingly grindhouse in this amazing video from LA SERA - "Never Come Around". Ok, we prob won't after watching this!

MP3 LA SERA: Never Come Around

Via Right Hear + Pitchfork

COOKIE MONSTERS

No Halloween is complete without an evening of sweet and sinister cookie decorating. My local haunt was out of black frosting. What's a ghoul to do?

Halloween sugar cookie recipe

DEARLY DEPARTED TOUR

One of the best things about being a journalist is that you get to meet all sorts of interesting people.

Spending the day with Scott Michaels, who runs Hollywood's infamous Dearly Departed Tour, is easily one of the most memorable experiences I will ever have as a writer. For someone who has had a lifelong obsession with the macabre side of Hollywood glamour, riding shotgun in Scott's Econo van while he gave a 37-mile tour was surreal.

After spending one minute with Scott, you discover he is more than just a tour guide. He is a virtual archaeologist of Hollywood glitz and gore, with a morbid enthusiasm and curiosity about the lives once lived in the shadows of those big-city lights. As we all know, things aren't always as they appear, especially on the big screen. If you live in or near Los Angeles and haven't done this tour yet, you will never see the city the same.

For instance, as we were driving through a busy neighborhood in the heart of LA, Scott just casually pointed out the apartment where Bela Lugosi died in 1956. Just as we were slowing to a roll, a stream of hispanic kids came shooting out of the door, followed by their mother dragging laundry bags behind her - going about daily life as we gawked into her front door.

I remember wondering just how diluted the historical significance of the space had become through the years, as the transient nature of Los Angeles apartment life ebbed and flowed. To them, it was just an apartment. To us, a fascinating and sacred relic from the rise and fall of life in Hollywood.

There were SO MANY moments like the one mentioned above. I don't want to ruin it for you.

Scott also does a Helter Skelter Tour, among several other niche tours. And he recently created a documentary on the Manson Murders - Six Degrees of Helter Skelter - that was an official selection at several film festivals last year.

He is the real deal. Book a Dearly Departed Tour now!

CHILDLIKE FANTASIES

Since I was a kid, The Haunted Mansion has always been the first ride I go on when I walk through the iron gates at Disneyland. Adulthood is no different. I still fantasize about being locked inside the ride after the park closes to wander the spider webbed halls, parlors and cemeteries all alone. Why I never pursued employment at Disneyland so I could do so is beyond me. Maybe it has something to do with wanting to retain its mystique.

I visited Disneyland once again last week with a strict intent to ride through The Haunted Mansion several times. Much to my dismay, my ghastly Halloween experience had been hijacked by Jack Skellington and his crew. Entirely. Snow, kitsch and Santa hats everywhere.

I like Tim Burton and The Nightmare Before Christmas as much as anyone, but this was not what I was expecting on Halloween. If some parts of the original ride had been preserved I may have been satiated but nothing is the same.

Since 2001, the Mansion has closed each September to give crews time to replace many of the haunted props and Audio-Animatronics with characters and themes from Tim Burton’s “The Nightmare Before Christmas” movie. Jack Skellington and his ghoulish friends typically stick around until the end of the year. - LA Times

So much for being informed.

I was embarrassingly livid, foaming at the mouth and scrappy. (Perhaps it was the bottle of Moet we drank beforehand in the parking lot. Not drunks, just celebrating our wedding.) Or perhaps it was the fact that I've been dying to go on the proper ride for months. And blog about it. Anyway, I apologize to anyone who may have been forced to overhear my F-bombs and absurd rants about "changing things on people." I think I may have even said, "This is not fair!" I tried so hard to not be that person but it was beyond my control.

Once the resentment subsided, I decided to do a little research on the making of The Haunted Mansion and came across this amazing short documentary on it. Did you know it took six years to create? And that it was rumored to be the home of Walt Disney himself? Also, the organ in the birthday party dining room scene is the same one from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea? There are all kinds of interesting things happening in these videos. It almost made the annoying experience worth it!

DANSE MACABRE

Nearly 10 days without a post and all you get is this spooky little Disney cartoon?

It is a prelude for things to come. And do not underestimate good ol' Walt. Skeleton Dance is all of the best things about Halloween packed into one timeless short cartoon - full moons, black cats and creepy graveyards. I never get tired of watching it.

HALLOWEEN HIATUS

My fellow beasts, LGA will be on temporary Halloween hold until October 20. We will have 11 more glorious days of ghoulish revelry when I return from the dead.

In the meantime, happy haunting. Make me proud.

Cold kisses,

The Grave Lady

THE GODFATHER OF GORE

(Wizard of Gore)

For someone who is a little too enthusiastic about ghosts and goblins, I cannot stomach gore. Anytime I watch a horror movie, I must be armed with a blanket or pillow to shield my view. In extreme cases, there is a simultaneous plugging of the ears. But the point of this post isn't to lament my lameness.

It's to let you know -- you LA people, specifically -- that Cinefamily will be showing The Godfather of Gore: Herschell Gordon Lewis tomorrow at 8:00 pm at the Silent Movie Theater in Hollywood. By the way, don't let this image selection fool you into thinking Lewis's films are tame. These are simply the only stills I could stare directly at for more than four seconds.

(Wizard of Gore)

(Gruesome Twosome)

(Gore Gore Girls)

Two Thousand Maniacs, one of Lewis's critically-acclaimed bloodbaths, will be shown following the documentary.

(Two Thousand Maniacs)

'This indisputable masterwork from H.G. Lewis pits a carload of Yankee tourists (including Playboy pinup Connie Mason, one of our finest American worst actresses) against an entire town of vengeful Southerners with a bloody supernatural secret. Lewis’s follow-up to the smash hit Blood Feast finds just the right mixture of black humor, infectious music, and harrowing bloodshed, with three murder scenes involving a switchblade, a boulder, and the world’s nastiest barrel roll that have all become iconic horror moment' -- Cinefamily

'COVEN SOUNDS LIKE OVEN'

American Movie (1999) is one of my favorite documentaries of all time. If you've ever felt like you wanted to give up on a lifelong dream, this story of one man's unwavering determination, may strike a chord with you, as well.

Since the age of fourteen, filmmaker Mark Borchardt has had one passion in life -- making horror movies. With a real-life cast more amazing than any work of fiction could ever produce, American Movie follows Borchardt on his quest to make the perfect horror movie, Coven. (Which he pronounces 'Coh - ven'.)

Set atop a backdrop of bleak Wisconsin scenery, Borchardt's visceral and gritty Coven promises to be a foil to the generic Hollywood horror blockbusters that defined the genre in the '90s. But his own personal demons, financial struggles and lack of follow-through force him to abandon his ambitions over and over.

With help from his family and friends - who are also Coven's cast of 'actors' - American Movie reveals the heartwarming* lengths Borchardt's closest supporters will go to to help make his dream a reality. *Grab a hanky.

HALLOWEEN HEROES

I have decided UK ten-year-old Azura Beebeejaun might be the modern day Harold Chasen.

Playing dead in an effort scare the wits out of your friends wouldn't be quite as entertaining - or amazing - if it weren't captured by a passing Googe Street View car. Fortunately, you also get to frighten the rest of your neighborhood and receive admirable recognition from other morbidly amused people all over the world.

'I understand how some people might have thought the picture looked like a dead body - I just wish she was that quiet all the time.' -- Azura's mother

FRIDAY NIGHT FRIGHT

Cozy up tonight with some black candles, pumpkin muffins, apple cider and Horrors of Spider Island. (The full movie is right here!)

German filmmaker, Wolf C. Hartwig, started out peddling smut and making weird and controversial movies about Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun before he began directing half-naked women being chased by giant monkey arachnids on exotic islands. What could be better than jungle cat fights, tropical heat, skinny dipping and creepy crawlers on a chilly fall evening? Not much.

FREAK AND FLYERS

Oh, the timeless mystique of the punk flyer -- a cherished relic from the days when your brother's girlfriend's cousin would agree to let you in after hours to use her office's Xerox machine. Such a simple yet ubiquitous design born from artful angst, nervous photocopying and subversive sounds. This particular Halloween selection comes from various places on the Internet.

GRAVE BABIES

Seattle's Grave Babies add a gorgeous installment of crunching hymns to the current run of lo-fi, post industrial goth (aka: witch house, chill wave, drag, what have you) tracks we are hearing so much of lately. With song titles like "Ghost", "Bones", "Fright Night" and "Nightmare", adding them to this blogathon was a no-brainer. (I will resist the urge to make a zombie reference here. Dammit.)

California people, Grave Babies have shows in San Francisco, San Diego and Sacramento over the next few weeks. And for you Seattle folks, they're playing a Halloween House (?) Sat., Oct. 30!

(Btw, let me warn you. Do not google image "grave babies" unless you want to ruin the rest of your day.)

GHOSTLY ESSENTIALS

Cleanse your soul after evil deeds with skull soap in a coffin from The Worship Museum.

The eponymous Book of Shadows holds the key to your witchery.

Disappear into the darkness by donning a dramatic black cloak.

Conjure our spirited friends with a vintage ouija board.

Unlock your deepest, darkest secrets with this skeleton key bottle opener.

Banish lingering omens by burning dried sage (salvia) throughout your living quarters.

Keep unwanted intruders away with this cross terrarium from The Worship Museum.

Get rid of a pesky enemy with a killer tonic.

(The above is not a serious recommendation to harm anyone. Thank you.)

Escape being caught red handed in Halloween mischief by hiding behind a clever disguise.